We have started a new series for this session, 'Our Secret Paradise' by Jimmy Evans.
[some material is straight from the video &/or book]
First session we covered:
- The secret for building a lasting marriage
Secret One - Triumphant Realism
We all come with some form of broken heart or 'messed up' as Jimmy Evans would say, as we enter into marriage. Some hide it, some confront it and others ignore it. People, circumstances and the reality of our lifestyles will disappoint us and leave us believing some lies, which will hurt the marriage relationship over time. However, God has provided us 'The Way, The Truth & The Life', in Jesus Christ, for healing and he gives us the tools and directions to change us from the inside out, which will affect your mate as well.
Far to often people enter into marriage with wrong expectations such as:
I call these a 'Waste of Belief'.
- We will never have problems as long as we love each other.
- As long as I do all the right things, I can make my mate happy.
- Sometimes you just need to pretend things are 'ok' and they'll go away.
- Telling my spouse what I expect will ensure I get what I need.
- Everyone else may have problems, but we never will.
- Oh, I picked the perfect one, and he/she will never hurt me.
- 'For better or worse' doesn't mean our marriage will ever deal with the worse.
- Being nice will fix all things in our marriage.
- Everyone else might have problems, but not us.
- Little things are not going to bother me.
- I believe there is such a thing as the perfect marriage, and we will be it.
- Everyone will encourage if we struggle.
- Family and friends will appreciate our marriage, which will make us stronger.
Though these are only a few wrong ideas people have going into marriage there are many more. We must be real with ourself and with each other, that as long as there is a relationship which requires two people there will be a time of conflict, which could result into hurt. Now, not everyone will have the some problem, nor does everyone deal with it the same, but as long as we live in this earth we will encounter problems and that is reality. The issue is how will we deal with it?
The hope of our marriage, will prosper in the relationship we have by faith with God our loving Father through Jesus Christ. Build your house upon the Rock of Christ Jesus and you will build a house that can withstand any storm. He will speak peace into your hearts and calm the storms around you and He will deliver you to the other side safely.
Our hope is not in knowing all the right set of rules, doing all the right deeds and knowing all the things to say. It's not in being the nicest person or even meeting every need of your spouse out of your own ability. However, we are all created with some very important needs in our soul, which is our thoughts, emotions and desires. God created us to be relational and with these very real needs for the purpose of finding true fulfillment by his spirit.
- Purpose 1 - is to draw closer to our Creator as his child, with a conviction to want all his love, acceptance, inheritance and to be known as His child. By faith, we trust in his love, we receive his love through grace, believing we are accepted and that he has great plans for us to live with purpose, that we would identify ourselves through the image of his character. ("As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man" Proverbs 27:19)
- Purpose 2 - is to reveal him and his love to others by not being self focused, but a giver, as He is the giver of all good and perfect things. Then we will seek to invest in the needs of others out of the gratitude of our heart and a deeper love as we love others through a different heart. ("For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2: 19-21)
We are creatures of habit, learning every minute of everyday, training ourselves by what we absorb. The question is what are we absorbing? Should it surprise us when we continue to absorb the same thing over and over that we will also release the same thing over and over?
We are like sponges, dry and eager to absorb, then easily over saturated and finding ourselves needing to be rung out - a sponge cannot do any of these things on it's own, it needs someone to help it through the process of its purpose. It can be used for many things and some will last longer than others.
So what is our source of help? What are we absorbing? What are we ringing out? Unlike, the sponge which cannot choose, we have been given such a privilege and the ability to choose our source of help, our contents to absorb which will result in what we ring out?
Questions to consider:
Who's love do I reflect? (my earthly parents or my heavenly Abba-Father)
Who's acceptance do I seek most? (people or my Father's)
How do I reflect my value of inheritance? (material possessions or my Father's Kingdom)
When I look in the reflection of the water's, who's face do I see? (mine or the image of Christ)
What purpose do I live for? (worldly success or my Father's will)
I pray Father, through the powerful name of my Lord Jesus-your only son, as you stand in my place to intercede for me. I pray with faith, that we would learn to face truth in the light of your Truth. May we live in the Way you have purposed for us, that we would have the Life you so graciously give to us. Father help us to know, how much you love us, how much you value us, and how much you delight in our relationship with you. Help us to know you as our Abba-Father. Help us to see the error of our own way and repent quickly in order that your healing would come quick. Help us not to be so self focused but walk according to your spirit to give and meet the needs of others as you provide. Help us to be humble, patient, forgiving and long-suffering by faith as we trust you throughout our struggles. Abba, help us to grow in our marriage in such a way that only you could receive such praise, honor and glory. May our marriage reflect your work of grace and our lives be an example of your giving spirit through your amazing love. I thank you for the work you are doing and will continue to do, you will bless these marriages as they make the commit to invest more in you, invest more in each other and invest more in this group. May your blessings overflow by the power of your name Jesus!
